- Always say yes to seeing friends
- Eat breakfast every day
- Recognize that positive change rarely happens overnight
- Accept the fuck-ups, but try not to let them happen again
- There is a song to remedy every situation on the planet
- Appreciate the people in your life
- Look for the good in everything
- Try new things and try them often
- Treat yourself as well as you treat others
being heartbroken is a strange, desperate feeling. my friend described it as this: when you end a relationship, you’re left with all these free-wheeling touchy feelies that you don’t know where to direct since they were all just wrapped around one person. you’re going to have to get used to the idea that for a while, you’re going to be running around with all these tender spots. as if your body is an exposed bone. very vulnerable to sunlight. very vulnerable to touch. to wind. to all of it. after i broke up with my last boy-person, for a couple of weeks i felt my body like a little pond. every once in a while a feeling rises to surface for air. a leaf would fall on me and my entire body would ripple. imagine the damage that skipping rocks did. every once in a while something would happen that would wreak havoc on my emotions. a small bird flew to my window one morning and i couldn’t open it up to give the little blue jay some bread. & as if it were feeding time at a fucking koi pond, all the fish flit with their sharp fins to the surface and i was just a watery, sloshy mess of person. the mirage of calm water broke and all of a sudden i was laying on my couch with my face pressed into the cushions’ butt crack with a blanket over my face because i couldn’t take anything at all. i don’t know about you, but when grief comes into my life it brings all of its friends with it. i’m a happy person until i am a mourning widow. the dead husband being nineteen years of existing.
in other words, a bird made me cry.
yo. heartbreak is hard, and you’re talking to someone who gets a kick out of letting herself feel all of the diddly-doos and drops of life. let yourself feel through it. don’t suppress your sadness, your loneliness. learn from it. try to understand that wild creature, those dark horses that are running through you unbridled. let yourself feel through every low so that you can reach the high, and vice versa. be sad, and be okay with being sad over someone, because there will be a moment where you will be walking down the street in a few days or a few weeks, and you’ll see petals strewn underneath all the trees on the sidewalk, and the air will feel like a sweet mouth against your mouth, and you’ll find yourself suddenly grinning with your arms open, and all of your touchy-feelies have returned back to your body, and you will have gained yourself back - after however long you did not belong to yourself - and you’ll realize that you’re whole again, that you’re you again, and that is a breath that will mean so much when it comes.
“But you’re not fat, don’t say that,” he responded.
Tell that to the hips that got caught in a turnstile yesterday and everyday that she forgets to turn sideways. Tell that to the stores that stop at size 12 (or size 10 if she wanted to look her age). Tell that to the small woman rolling her eyes beside me on the subway as my booty spills over into her seat. Tell that to the holes my inner thighs have rubbed into every pair of jeans I own. Tell that to the rolls on my back & the crevices in my ass.
Tell that to the silence at the end of your sentence that should say “because fat people are ugly, because if I think you’re attractive you can’t be fat because I’m saving fat to degrade a woman two sizes smaller than you but with a flatter chest & a spare tire. Because you’re not fat is a compliment even when it’s not true because what I’m really saying is you don’t repulse me the way fat people are supposed to repulse me. Because I get final say on your body, not you & I’m giving you a pass for the same dimpled ass I laughed at on another woman yesterday because your waistline is smaller than hers and a normal woman would just be happy with that.”