live without you.
But it’s been a few years
since I’ve heard your voice.
My hair is a lot shorter.
I sleep earlier than I used to.
I guess what I’m trying to say is
my world had fallen apart
and yet I am still here.
Depression is hard to understand, because it is not a consistent state. Depression is rather like a virus, but like a virus, it has its manageable days and its acute, life-threatening flare-ups. You can be in a depression and still laugh at a friend’s joke or have a good night at dinner or manage low-level functioning. You grocery shop and stop to pet a puppy on the corner, talk to friends in a café, maybe write something you don’t hate. When this happens, you might examine your day for clues like reading tea leaves in a cup: Was it the egg for breakfast that made the difference? The three-mile run? You think, well, maybe this thing has moved on now. And you make no sudden moves for fear of attracting its abusive attention again.
But other times…
Other times, it’s as if a hole is opening inside you, wider and wider, pressing against your lungs, pushing your internal organs into unnatural places, and you cannot draw a true breath. You are breaking inside, slowly, and everything that keeps you tethered to your life, all of your normal responses, is being sucked through the hole like an airlock emptying into space. These are the times Holly Golightly called the Mean Reds.
I call it White Knuckling it.
What will I do? What will I do? What are you talking about?! You are Elastigirl! My god. Pull yourself together! “What will you do?” Is this a question? You will show him you remember that he is Mr. Incredible, and you will remind him who you are. Well, you know where he is. Go, confront the problem. Fight! Win! And call me when you get back, darling. I enjoy our visits.
#sansa endures #it’s what she does #she’s tortured day after day and all she can do is smile and thank the people who torture her #all she can do is look straight ahead and will herself not to cry as the horrifying death of her family #of the people she loved #is shoved in her face in more and more grotesque ways #and the fact that after all of that #after all she is made to go through #she can still find it within herself to be kind #that’s the truest sort of strength #that’s a strength few people could barely dream of #it’s sansa’s kindness that defines her #the fact that she can live through what she’s lived through and still look for goodness in people #it’s remarkable (via whoistorule)